Get ‘17 Million F*ck Offs’ to No1

We can force the BBC to play this unofficial Brexit anthem on 31 January.

Dominic Frisby

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Topics Brexit Culture UK

With Brexit Day just two days away, I find myself in a rather amusing – and unexpected – situation.

A song I wrote almost by accident in a ukulele lesson one day has an outside chance of going to No1. The main obstacle is Ludwig van Beethoven’s ‘Ode To Joy’, the EU’s ‘national’ anthem.

Both sides of the Remain-Leave argument are campaigning to get their song to the top spot on Brexit Day, and, as luck would have it, my song, ’17 Million Fuck Offs’, has become the Leavers’ song of choice.

I don’t have a record label or a distribution deal or any of that stuff. I can’t even play the ukulele properly. In fact, to be honest, I can’t sing either. But here I am with a chance of being in the Top 40, maybe even the Top 10.

It may not happen, of course. The charts are decided by streaming as well as by sales, and all sorts of complicated algorithms are employed to calculate the top songs. The likes of Stormzy, Eminem (who has a new album) and Lewis Capaldi and their powerful record labels all have systems in place to get their songs up the rankings, and I can’t compete with any of that. But even so, it’s worth a punt.

The song almost wrote itself. I remember sitting in a lesson with my ukulele teacher (and mate) and saying, ‘Martin, I’ve got this idea that the VIPs in the establishment kept telling the British that this or that would happen if they voted Leave, but with each threat, the British could see the BS for what it was and just flicked the two fingers’. We played about with it and then, lo and behold, ’17 Million Fuck Offs’ was born.

Now it’s at number two on the UK Amazon Music charts and number three on Apple Music. Beethoven’s ‘Ode To Joy’ meanwhile, played by André Rieu and the Johann Strauss Orchestra, is top.

Was ever there a metaphor for Brexit. An ordinary bloke who wrote a tune with his mate one day, up against a European colossus. A 60-70 piece orchestra, a full choir, expensive production values, a powerful record label in Polydor, the whole operation rife with subsidies. I’m not knocking either the piece of music or the performers. Not for a second. But it’s so establishment it’s unreal.

Irony of ironies, the version the Remainers have picked was originally released on André Rieu’s album In Love With Maastricht.

I’m going to give any profits to charity – and I hope André does the same. I didn’t know which charity to choose so I went down the direct democracy route on Twitter and held a poll. The Maggie Oliver Foundation, set up to help the victims of child grooming gangs, was the one that got chosen.

I think even Ludwig himself would be on my side. He was a great anti-authoritarian. Given the choice between a big-budget, orchestral extravaganza, selected to champion a crony-capitalist, bureaucratic gravy train, and a comic song written by a bloke who doesn’t even have a record deal, I think I know which single he would be buying.

And let’s be honest, it really would be very funny to have the BBC playing ’17 Million Fuck Offs’ on Brexit Day.

Please help this noble comic cause by buying the single on Apple Music or Amazon now.

Watch the video for ‘17 Million Fuck Offs’ on YouTube:

Dominic Frisby is author of Daylight Robbery: How Tax Has Shaped Our Past and Will Change Our Future, published by Penguin Business.

To enquire about republishing spiked’s content, a right to reply or to request a correction, please contact the managing editor, Viv Regan.

Comments

Steve Gray

31st January 2020 at 4:09 pm

Over in the world of social media, those who support the EU are demonstrating their now-legendary love and respect for their fellow man by calling Mr Frisby a ‘fkucking piece of %hit’, etc.

Bobby Mosca

30th January 2020 at 5:56 pm

Stephen J

29th January 2020 at 11:11 pm

Apparently he is doing this in Parliament Sq on Friday night? Unless Boris has found a way to ban him of course?

ZENOBIA PALMYRA

29th January 2020 at 9:00 pm

I guess Brexiters don’t do nuance or subtlety! The absurdly-named Mr Frisby clearly hasn’t grasped the basics of music.

christopher birkin

2nd February 2020 at 1:39 am

You lost ha ha ha 17 million phuck offs to you looser.

ZENOBIA PALMYRA

3rd February 2020 at 3:30 pm

16.8 million reasons to say f*** off to you!

steve moxon

29th January 2020 at 8:40 pm

I’m not sure whether I’m disappointed or chuffed, though, that Dominic points out in the song that Sourpuss is definitely not a Nazi. He’s surely being ironic of course, but the identification is too lenient: Sourpuss hates the majority of folk, whereas the Nazis hated only minorities!

Jonnie Henly

29th January 2020 at 8:56 pm

The Nazis actually suspended Democracy, you know the thing you keep accusing remainers of doing.

ZENOBIA PALMYRA

29th January 2020 at 9:01 pm

Touché, Mr Henly.

Ed Turnbull

31st January 2020 at 1:30 pm

By that statement you’ve proved two things, one: Remainers (who have demonstrably been trying to thwart a democratic outcome of which they disapprove) aren’t quite as effective as the Nazis they seek to emulate, though not for the want of trying. And two: Leavers have a valid point when they characterise Remainers as Nazis.

Ignore ZP – his support for your comment merely demonstrates his complete lack of awareness that you actually proved Leavers’ points for them. He actually thinks you scored some great rhetorical victory!

Jonnie Henly

29th January 2020 at 6:14 pm

“I’m going to give any profits to charity”

Could’ve sworn that sort of thing was considered virtue signalling by most of Spiked.

Gerard Barry

30th January 2020 at 9:15 am

Not when the charity is a worthy one, which the Maggie Oliver Foundation surely is. The term “virtue signalling” is usually applied to celebrities who like to lecture about the PC issues of the day – climate change, racism, etc. I don’t think Mr Frisby’s actions fall into that category.

christopher birkin

2nd February 2020 at 1:40 am

I’ll donate if it’s a charity to ban dinghies from the port of Dover.

Emmett Elvin

29th January 2020 at 5:45 pm

A most amusing and appropriate anthem for our times, Mr Frisby – and one I shall be purchasing to cheer me up during the inevitable onset of super-gonorrhea.

NEIL DATSON

29th January 2020 at 6:18 pm

For my part I’m more anxious about the plague of venomous toads that will darken the nation’s fields and streets this weekend. Dare I go outside? Can their spittle smash through my house windows?

Emmett Elvin

29th January 2020 at 6:39 pm

Having consulted Michel Wormfather, the EU’s Soothsayer-in-Chief, the aforementioned toads will only come after the entire country has been bathed in billowing, eldritch smoke, following a countrywide outbreak of rickets. You’re safe for a few days, I believe.

NEIL DATSON

29th January 2020 at 6:50 pm

Thanks Emmett. That’s a small comfort. We must all seek hope wherever we can find it.

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