Why this Labour MP’s ‘summer of sex’ is such a turn-off

Few things are less erotic than politicians earnestly discussing sex. The mere thought of a member of parliament calling for ‘a summer of sex’ is enough to turn even the most libidinous Brits celibate. Yet Labour’s Samantha Niblett has done just this.

Forget war in the Middle East, a stagnating economy, the energy crisis, hospital waiting lists and an unsustainable welfare bill. If Nero fiddled while Rome burned, then Niblett wants us to get it on while the British state fails. Maybe she hopes we’ll all be too busy in the bedroom to make it to a polling booth next month.

But to give her the benefit of the doubt for just a moment, perhaps Niblett has a point. Hedonism is indeed an understandable response to our country’s current woes. For young adults struggling to find work, worried about student loans, and unable to find a decent house to rent, never mind buy, then a flower-power-style summer of free love may be just the ticket.

Sadly, this is most definitely not what Niblett has in mind. She is not suggesting we all take a bacchanalian holiday when the sun comes out. Instead, she is proposing a new approach to sex education. She wants this summer to be foreplay for the main event: a parliamentary debate on lifelong sex education in the early autumn. To get the ball rolling, she hopes to bring sex toys into parliament to open up a conversation about sexual pleasure. But for all the talk of ‘pleasure’, Niblett’s summer of sex is less about passion and intimacy and more about issuing a lifelong lecture.

Between Relationships and Sex Education on the school curriculum and the ready availability of online pornography, it’s impossible to imagine there are people in Britain who do not know the facts of life. So unsurprisingly, the sex education Niblett has in mind is actually re-education. And it is, of course, political.

Niblett has teamed up with ‘sextech entrepreneur’ Cindy Gallop. (One of the few things less erotic than politicians discussing sex? Sextech entrepreneurs.) Together, they are on a mission to ‘help people understand consent, prevent abuse and violence, and raise awareness of how childbirth, the menopause, stress and other health conditions can impact sexual satisfaction’. So, just as in schools, this adult sex education is to be a vessel for all manner of fashionable issues. It’s an opportunity for politicians and campaigners to preach to the public about feminist-approved ways to behave in their most private relationships. Abuse, violence and stress. Truly, sex has never been less sexy.

The campaign’s tagline is ‘Yes Sex Please, We’re British!’ and it aims to challenge the idea that Brits are, apparently, too stiff to talk about sex other than through innuendos, and too prudish to think beyond heterosexual intercourse taking place in the marital bed, preferably in the missionary position. Convinced nothing has changed since the 1950s, Niblett and Gallop want to introduce the public to a ‘more open and inclusive approach’ to lifelong sex education, which, above all else, will ensure people know the importance of ‘not feeling ashamed’. In other words, they want Britain to become a never-ending Pride march, with sex and sexuality constantly thrust in the public’s face. We must prove that we are ‘open’ and ‘inclusive’ to all manner of weirdos with fetishes such as men in nappies, dresses or dog collars.

None of this is about privacy, intimacy or even, for that matter, sexual relationships. Niblett gives the game away when she tells Politics Home that, as well as working with a sextech entrepreneur, she met with ‘sexual product retailer’, Lovehoney. It’s not love and romance, Niblett wants us to indulge in, or even lust and hooking up. She has more solitary pursuits in mind. ‘As well as making you feel good, [masturbation] is good for your health’, she chirps, ‘with some medical research showing that it is good for stress and pain relief, menstrual cramps, and reducing the risk of prostate cancer’.

So there you have it. Don’t worry about not being able to see a doctor. Ignore pothole-marked roads. Overlook your shrinking bank balance. Rather than stewing on being unable to afford to put the central heating on, go to bed. On your own. And, preferably with the help of a Lovehoney ‘sexual product’, wank away your troubles.

Samantha Niblett says that her ‘lifelong sex education’ campaign is personal. She wants to talk more openly about sex herself to encourage others to feel comfortable doing so. Spare us, please. This onanistic crusade degrades politics and kills passion dead.

Joanna Williams is a spiked columnist and author of How Woke Won. Follow her on Substack: cieo.substack.com.