Ode to the Christmas Coca-Cola truck

Every Weegie in Glasgow likes Christmas a lot,
But NHS chief, Dr de Caestecker, does not!
De Caestecker hates Christmas, the whole Christmas season!
Please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

Where your everyday Weegie wants to spread Christmas cheer,
Some public-health killjoys would rather look down and sneer. 
Every year there’s some Grinch or a Scrooge McDuck
And this one’s set her sights on the Coca-Cola truck.

The truck gives out Coke cans to the public as freebies
And on this weekend there are cans for the Weegies.
But who could object? What’s there to lament?
De Caestecker, that’s who, for the high sugar content.

The health chief’s message for every son and daughter?
‘Cut out the Coke – and let them drink water!
Glasgow kids are too fat, their teeth really suck!
Only sugar-free drinks should be served from the truck!’

‘Half our kids’, she cried, ‘will be obese by 2020!
Don’t feed them more sugar, they already have plenty!
It’s wrong to treat Coke as a fun festive treat,
It’s a poor message to families, who we can’t trust to drink or eat.’

Many killjoys hate the truck, all across the land,
A Scouse Lib Dem councillor also wants it banned,
Keith Vaz once threatened to protest and boycott,
He says the truck spreads diabetes and makes our teeth rot.

But risks are exaggerated and good news downplayed.
Obesity has flatlined over the past decade.
Our public-health puritans are moved by no thing.
Not even the smile that a sugary treat can bring.

These Christmas curmudgeons need to know when to stop
And let us decide if we want to guzzle on pop.
This Christmas, let’s eat, drink and shop ‘til we’re broke.
Let’s ignore the bah-humbug, and grab a free Coke.

Fraser Myers is a producer at WORLDbytes.

For permission to republish spiked articles, please contact Viv Regan.

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