Zero: Sally Bercow
‘Is it a berk? Is it a cow? No it’s Sally Bercow.’ When Katie Price, aka cement-voiced glamour model Jordan, penned that little triplet in her Sun on Sunday column, she gave vent to a nation’s annoyance. The Bercow is impossibly irritating. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but because The Bercow married John Bercow, the first Speaker of the House of Commons to come from Lilliput, she has unfortunately been granted the media platform on which to parade her asininity.
The first casualty in The Rise of The Bercow has been the importance of her husband’s public role, something consistently demeaned by her belief that her celebrity profile is more important. The examples are numerous: an Evening Standard photoshoot, in which The Bercow posed naked, save, thankfully, for a bedsheet; a short-lived appearance on Celebrity Big Brother in 2011 in which she pledged to ‘stick two fingers up to the establishment’ (the public booted her out at the first opportunity); compulsive indiscretion in 2009, when she talked pointlessly about boozing and pulling… All of these examples show how seriously Bercow takes the parliamentary world from which she parasitically draws her zzzzz-list celebrity.
But The Bercow’s love of the The Bercow is not enough in and of itself to win her a zero of the month. No, what really sticks in the craw is her high-profile willingness, like that of some toadying schoolgirl, to join in the most degraded pursuits of the right-thinking classes. Name the conformist bandwagon, and The Bercow will be sure to have hopped aboard. There she was, during the papal visit to Britain in 2010, criticising the Catholic Church for not sharing the same liberal-ish beliefs as the Guardian; there she was last year celebrating the humiliation of Rupert Murdoch as a victory for… who knows?; and there she is again, right now, peddling the profoundly corrosive myth that child abuse is rife in Britain today.
A couple of weeks ago, she seemed particularly titillated, as did other members of the liberal elite, by the idea that ‘an unnamed senior Conservative from the Thatcher era’ (named online as Lord McAlpine) was about to be accused of being a paedophile by BBC’s Newsnight. So, as the story broke like a wave of shit across the Twitteresphere, The Bercow could be found riding it for all it was worth. She tweeted: ‘Why is Lord McAlpine trending? *Innocent face*’ This was not as clever as The Bercow clearly thought it was. As it turned out, the reason why Lord McAlpine was having his name dragged through the mud, or ‘trending’ as The Bercow put it, was because of silly, credulous child abuse-obsessed pillocks like The Bercow and Guardian columnist George Monbiot – people, that is, who think rumour and innuendo ought to be taken for fact. *Sad face*.
Not that the emergence of the truth – Lord McAlpine was misidentified by the alleged victim – prompted much in the way of a mea culpa from The Bercow. Far from it. ‘Wish the focus would shift back on to y’know, *child abuse*’, she tweeted, ‘not just BBC and libel threats’. That it is this very focus on child abuse, this conviction that it is rife but hidden by conspiracy and complicity, that fuelled the naming and shaming of an innocent man seems to have escaped The Bercow’s attention. Now, if only The Bercow would stop seeking ours…