Diary of a first-time non-voter

My little sister is probably more excited about the coming election than I am. I think it’s something to do with the prospect of a day off school if the building is used as a polling station. Unfortunately, she’s too young to vote.

So what could possibly be done to make the probable date of 3 May more interesting for the rest of us?

A politicians’ Big Brother. Following the success of Chris Eubank and co in this week’s celebrity version of the show, why not move members of the UK government and shadow cabinet into the brightly painted Big Brother house (complete with hot tub and free range chickens), and allow us to vote one of them out each week, until we are left with our new prime minister?

In true Big Brother fashion, the new ‘house mates’ could be given regular tasks to complete – like designing more dodgy logos for their respective parties, trying to memorise more than two of their policies at the same time, or assembling a train set which actually worked.

From the comfort of our armchairs we’d be able to watch antics such as Tony Blair practising his U-turns on a micro-scooter while Mo Mowlam contemplates a secret joint in the toilet. We could look on as the house mates debate the hunting issue, once the food ran out and the chickens looked tempting.

Shadow home secretary Ann Widdecombe would be there to impose on-the-spot fines for anybody who broke house rules; and if a member did get fed up and leave the house, David Blunkett would offer them a few thousand quid to return.

After all, Big Brother managed to make the likes of Anthea Turner and Vanessa Feltz look vaguely entertaining – so it could be the perfect solution to lack of interest in the election. And I bet a few people would lose their ‘voter apathy’ when it came to voting off the most rubbish politician.