spiked-life | Column

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23 November 2001

Offside, 23 November
Spurs fans were duty-bound to give Sol Campbell a torrid reception on his return to White Hart Lane in enemy colours.

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16 November 2001

Offside, 16 November
The football authorities' interest in women's football is driven less by egalitarian concerns than by their desire to outlaw aggressive play.

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Rob Lyons

9 November 2001

spiked-geist, 9 November
The cost of war-reporting; Britney's boobies; Members of the library; Restricted moo-vement

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8 November 2001

Offside, 8 November
Loyalty, or rather its absence, has been the subject on every Palace fan's lips this week after manager Steve Bruce decided to quit the club after only five months in charge.

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	22 November 2001 Silicone scare Where's the evidence that breast implants are a health risk?

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1 November 2001

The perils of post
Safety guidelines on opening mail are likely to make people more nervous, not less.

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1 November 2001

Offside, 1 November
On the first Saturday of the new football season two million more people chose to watch The Weakest Link rather than The Premiership. Where did it all go wrong for ITV football?

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30 October 2001

Flying high
Americans seem to be panicking far less post-11 September than the British did during the Great Foot-and-Mouth Panic in spring 2001.

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26 October 2001

Offside, 26 October
At a time when terrace racism has virtually disappeared, the campaign to kick racism out of football is everywhere. Why?

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19 October 2001

Offside, 19 October
After 6 October, the English will never have the moral authority to complain about diving in football again.

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12 October 2001

Offside, 12 October
Three years ago we wanted him strung up, now we want him knighted. What's behind British fans' love/hate affair with David Beckham?

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11 October 2001

The Green response to terrorism?
Conservationists have been quick to point out that the war in Afghanistan will result in the death of snow leopards on the brink of extinction.

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5 October 2001

Offside, 5 October
The minutes of silence may be over, but players and fans are still expected to observe an emotional code of conduct.

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28 September 2001

Offside, 28 September
What is to be done about European football's dwindling viewing figures? The Champions' League could do with some corrective surgery - but it might be time to put the UEFA Cup out of its misery.

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20 September 2001

Offside, 20 September
Everybody in sport was horrified at the senseless carnage in the USA, but nobody seemed sure about the correct way to respond. To play or not to play?

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14 September 2001

Growing up scared
Will America's national crisis shake its twentysomethings out of their 'quarterlife crisis' - or make the symptoms more severe?

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14 September 2001

Offside, 14 September
Where was spiked's football columnist when England beat Germany 5-1? In a bar in northern Italy, with Germans, watching Italy draw nil-nil with Lithuania.

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7 September 2001

Gay is the new straight
Why are European elites rushing to be bridesmaids at same-sex weddings?

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30 August 2001

Getting over the threshold
Stop treating twentysomethings like teenagers.

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24 August 2001

The hooliganism hype
As hooligans have vacated the terraces (usually to pen their memoirs) there are more anti-hooligan laws than ever before. Why?

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21 August 2001

Caesareans, cats and dolls
'When it comes to doing the equivalent of squeezing a golf ball through a Polo mint, let's be grateful that women can make it as painless as possible.'

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17 August 2001

Offside, 17 August
'Those who reckon there's too much football on TV assume that, like children in a sweet shop, we will consume too much football until we become sick of it.'

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15 August 2001

The joy of moshing
Since when was head-banging, slam-dancing and crowd-surfing at live gigs supposed to be safe?

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10 August 2001

Offside, 10 August
Wimbledon have no fanbase - and they'll never acquire one as long as they stay in London.

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9 August 2001

Building new men
Builders' wolf whistling is something that should be taken very seriously - after all, how else will women know whether they're looking good?

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3 August 2001

Offside, 3 August
Fantasy football is not just unsophisticated - it is morally wrong.

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27 July 2001

Offside, 27 July
If Disney wants to sponsor Crystal Palace, fine: but what's in it for Disney?

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25 July 2001

Don't scoff?
Bigorexia, orthorexia, non-purgative bulimia - is there no end to the illnesses you can catch from trying to eat healthily?

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20 July 2001

Offside, 20 July
Brazil is the embodiment of the jogo bonito (beautiful game). But perhaps the awe in which we hold the Samba Boys is set to end.

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20 July 2001

African horizons
The Ghanaian exchange group had to wait two years for a visa - for Britons going to Ghana, the application process takes about two days. Is this why our favourite prince hasn't invited his Kenyan friends back?

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13 July 2001

Men will be...boys
The UK Office for National Statistics' new report on men seems to show that blokes are okay - if only they'd grow up.

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13 July 2001

Offside, 13 July
Henmania, Henphobia - Duleep's friends talk tennis.

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6 July 2001

Offside, 6 July
Sol Campbell's decision to stay in the English Premiership is great news for Arsenal, but bad for Campbell.

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4 July 2001

'Consent condoms'? No thanks
What happens if a woman is happy to have sex after the first glass of wine and thumbs her approval, only to change her mind three glasses later?

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3 July 2001

e-quality - why hyphenate?
Before criticising the dotcom world for not delivering a better deal for women, we should interrogate what this better deal might be.

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29 June 2001

Offside, 29 June
'What is the justification for extending the powers of the Football (Disorder) Act? That there has been no trouble whatsoever.'

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22 June 2001

Offside, 22 June
'Labour's pledge to bring about a "radical extension of sporting opportunities" in schools will be undermined by the banning of informal playground games.'

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15 June 2001

Offside, 15 June
'I don't consider myself to be a football addict, just somebody who likes to watch, play, discuss, read and write about football. I'm in control. Honest.'

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14 June 2001

The work thing
There's more to life than making a living. So why is the government so obsessed with work?

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7 June 2001

Offside, 7 June
The Football Association (FA) and the Home Office are trying to re-brand the English football fan by diktat

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1 June 2001

Offside, 1 June
'Tony Blair has used football to dress in the replica shirt of ordinary blokishness - but his government's handling of major sporting issues has been indecisive and inept.'

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25 May 2001

Offside, 25 May
After the UEFA Cup euphoria: 'Calm down, calm down - let's just stop to consider what Liverpool have actually achieved this season.'

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18 May 2001

Offside, 18 May
'Now here's a radical idea for you: let's abolish the FA Cup.'

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11 May 2001

Offside
'Post foot-and-mouth, Britain is now in the grip of a new epidemic: post-Dome lack-of-nerve syndrome. The first casualty is the new national stadium at Wembley.'

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4 May 2001

Offside
'Palace were losing 2-0 at home to Wolves. At this point fans hurled their season tickets on to the pitch and sang "Stand up if you want Smith out".'

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3 May 2001

Corporations in denial
As the City of London recovers from Dress-Down May Day, why are big firms so keen for their staff to look anything but corporate?

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26 April 2001

Offside
'Neither winter chill nor legal sanctions can deter some people from whipping off their clothes and cavorting naked around football pitches.'

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24 April 2001

Peer groups bad - friends good?
'When UK government policy flags up "peer pressure", what it means is that young people's friends are the problem. So why doesn't it just say that?'

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20 April 2001

Offside
'Perhaps if fans were seen brandishing bottles of Evian water this would project a misleading image of Crystal Palace as a club for effete health-conscious muesli-eaters.'

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19 April 2001

Foot-and-mouth disease: what about the Baa vote?
To vaccinate or not to vaccinate? A ditty on indecision.

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12 April 2001

Offside
'The free "ethnic minority" seats were allocated - ghetto-fashion - in one block. The atmosphere in our section was eerily quiet.'

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5 April 2001

Offside
'Palace fans should be dreaming about winning trophies, not of carefully balanced budgets.'

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30 March 2001

Offside
'Stan Collymore, the self-confessed therapy case, had the post-Diana world at his feet. So where did it all go wrong?'

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Mick Hume

29 March 2001

Modern life? It's the best yet
'Attach it to pretty much anything you (don't) like, from scientific research to supermarkets, and the prefix "modern" has become a boo-word, to be pronounced with a sneer.'

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29 March 2001

Supermarkets are - super
They stand accused of everything from killing the high street to fuelling the foot-and-mouth crisis. But what have supermarkets done to deserve it - other than providing a large variety of nice, cheap food?

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23 March 2001

Offside
'Trying to cajole Asians to participate in football smacks of cultural engineering.'

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16 March 2001

Offside
'The crisis of refereeing authority is one of FIFA's own making. The more disciplinary powers referees have been given, the more their authority has been undermined.'

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13 March 2001

The smoking debate
'You don't want to take sides with either contestant in the battle between pro-smokers and the antis. You should just watch out for the referee.'

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9 March 2001

Offside
'I have no nostalgia for the decaying, rain-swept open terraces of the past, but safe standing sounds worse.'

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7 March 2001

Country life goes on
'Who needs an exclusion zone to prevent the spread of foot-and-mouth disease when you have the UK railways?'

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2 March 2001

Offside
'We don't go to matches to drink weak lager or eat flavourless burgers. Nor do we go for the fireworks, the circus acts, the musicians or the cheerleaders.'

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23 February 2001

Offside
'When it comes to disciplinary problems, Cyril the Swan is the Vinnie Jones of mascots.'

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16 February 2001

Offside
'The 'Mancees' deal is not the evil plan for world domination that it first appeared.'

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9 February 2001

Offside
Manchester United's dominance: 'As a Crystal Palace supporter, to whom the adjective "long-suffering" is frequently prefixed, I reckon I could live with "relentless".'

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Ellen Raphael

9 February 2001

Are you the one in four?
'The women surveyed for Red magazine resented the notion that women should try to "have it all" (or, if you're Nigella Lawson, baking your cake and eating it too).'

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7 February 2001

Bloke on a rope
Trust 12-year-old boys to confuse positive attainable social stereotypes with negative body-conscious self-loathing.

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2 February 2001

Offside
'David Beckham's devotion to improving his football technique at the expense of his schoolwork is probably what has made him such an exceptional footballer.'

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26 January 2001

Offside
'The hoax calls to Richard Littlejohn's 606 programme are the most exciting thing to have happened on a football phone-in for years.'

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24 January 2001

Bloke on a rope
'What do you mean, social engineering? This is emotional engineering. Try to keep up.'

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19 January 2001

Offside
'I have never experienced a tannoy maverick at work, but I am sure it would be a precious moment.'

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Ann Furedi

19 January 2001

Bad lads or good boys?
'What men say they want, what they think they want, and what they actually want may not be the same thing.'

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12 January 2001

Offside
'While few people know or care about the Archbishop of Canterbury's sermons, Sven-Goran Eriksson's every word and deed will be publicly scrutinised.'

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10 January 2001

Bloke on a rope
'Sky One is screening Better Mind Your Bollocks on Sunday 14 January, to teach us that talking about, flashing and fondling your tackle could potentially save your life.'

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5 January 2001

Offside
'The proposal for "safe standing areas" is ultimately doomed, because nobody dares question the moral authority of those who use the Hillsborough tragedy to avoid public debate.'

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Ann Furedi

29 December 2000

Talking of oral sex
'The latest news from the USA suggests that ingenious youth have found a way to enjoy sex while conforming to abstinence advice.'

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29 December 2000

Offside
'Jack Straw's proposal for a GBFC showed that that UK home secretary knew FCUK-all about football.'

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22 December 2000

Bloke on a rope
'Young men everywhere can at last call a spade a spade and a Christmas break a "time to write down your emotions and ask for help".'

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